Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for.
FIRST, A DISCLAIMER:: I am blogging to help my self grow, not to supply you with gossip.  However, if you are reading this and feel the need to gossip about what you read, go ahead.  But please know that Karma will bite you in the tush :)

Okay, bare with me.  This may sound a tad bit jibberish... but hopefully i can get what i'm saying across.  
Let's start here:  I was abused when i was younger (that's all i can say for now.  My abuser no longer exists).
This where the disclaimer comes in. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not make me regret posting this.
Now, because i endured some horrible things, i had options.  I could go through life blaming my past (who couldn't do that, really?!?) or I could beat the odds and not continue the cycle :)
So, i chose.  I chose a husband who loves me and would never hurt me. And everyday my children are alive (once i have them that is...) i will choose to show them the love of my Heavenly Father, no matter how hard that choice is.
Every time i visit the girls home (for troubled girls) that my sister in law works at, i leave with tremendous guilt.  Many of those girls witnessed the same things i have (and some worse...) and now they are reaping what someone else sewed for them.
Just looking at them makes my heart ache.  I just want to hug them.  There they are  in there '"hand-me-downs" wearing what someone told them they had to.  And there i am in adorable shoes holding the hand of my handsome husband.
It doesn't seem fair.  
Now, this is where my husband always reminds me that many of them chose to do awful things, and it was their choices that made them wind up there. 
And yes, i agree with that.  I didn't choose the wrong things, but that is only by the Grace of God.  There is nothing that says that i couldn't have ended up there.  Thank God He watched over me and kept me from those things.
I said all that to answer the question with this:: I still need to forgive myself for being okay,  for making it out with minmium scars, for being happy when inside i'm near worthless because of the abuse.


  1. You are beautiful, Kristi and this was beautifully written.
    I am so sorry for what you went through when you were younger. I can relate, although I don't know you whole situation, but I do know how I felt and the emotional scars that were left from my situation.
    Thank you for sharing this little bit about yourself. Take care beautiful and have a wonderful weekend.

  2. Thank you for your encouragement! I wasn't going to write about it (i've never told anyone outside of family...) but your post inspired me.
    Thank you! I hope your weekend is great as well! Enjoy your beautiful family <3